Well I remember as a little girl being afraid of thunderstorms. We lived in a mobile home for a time and I was petrified of bad weather or the threat of a tornado hitting. My mom and dad divorced when I was 4 and though I had contact with him_ he wasn’t there. Meaning I couldn’t run to him when a thunderstorm hit for security_ or have him there on a whim when I needed him with an important decision_ or call out to him for help on an answer to something. So it was almost like an act of survival_ like I didn’t know anything other to do than call out to my heavenly Father. I learned at a young age it was to put my trust in Jesus or nothing… and the first seemed a better alternative.
I used to sing an old, old song that goes:
lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
pure and holy tried and true
with thanksgiving I’ll be a living, sanctuary for you
Now I know that’s probably a little corny sounding but we used to sing that song in my church every Sunday. Then later at home over and over I would sing that song to the heavens at the top of my lungs standing out on our 4 acres of property. Not even fully grasping then or understanding totally what all it really meant. But I trusted that He heard and I wanted Him to know my life was His.
I’ve always seemed to easily trust in the midst of some kind of happening.
Like in the midst of those storms when the wind would whip and rain would pound so hard on that tin roof that you could feel our house shake. I was scared but I trusted the Lord would protect and bring me through. Or like when we’ve made a move to an unknown place with no promise of an income there, I’ve trusted that He would provide. Or when I had to walk through dad’s passing away there was complete trust in knowing that the Lord had it. So it seems like as long as there has been “happenings” or I can see or feel something taking place is when I trust the most_fully.
But where I find lack is in the quiet.
When there is no happening_ no action.
It’s when there is no event coming to look to (or it looks that way)
Those are the times when I struggle the most.
But I somehow feel it’s in these times that it’s the most important to hang on_ and to trust. Because I can try and make something happen by taking things in my own hands but it will never last. It’s bound to fail if it’s on my own will that I’m doing just to have something to do.
So I’m learning to trust in the quiet times too and just like I see in the past where He supplied or protected or gave peace I know that… He was there_ He is here_ so I will fully trust and I will keep on running. Run with me….
"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last: but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
1 Cor 9:24-27